Over the past 5 or so years of my life I have taken the person I used to be and slowly twisted her into a person I never imagined I could be. I always had my struggles growing up - I was always very sexually driven, I always struggled with cursing, I've never listened to healthy music, I've always loved junk food and hated being physically active. But never did I think that all of those characteristics would blow up in my face.
I'm not really even sure how it happened. All I know is that I've come to the realization in the past few months that I hate who I am, and that if I am ever going to become the Woman of God that I so wish to be I'm going to need to start taking steps to get there and let go of this person I am now.
So, even though I don't believe in New Years' Resolutions, I have resolved to make 2011 my year. The year I grow up, the year I take control of my life again and start becoming a person that my heavenly Father can be proud of. I've decided to become healthy again: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It's January 8th and I've already taken some steps towards that. I deleted my facebook. BIG step for me btw. I told a couple people that I needed to cut ties with them and deleted them from my phone. I'm contemplating changing my number all together. I am talking to the mentorship program people at church and I'm going to get set up with a mentor in the next couple weeks. I'm going to do the "And The Bride Wore White" study and get myself back into a place of purity. I need to get myself back to a healthy place physically. That is going to be a big thing for me to do, but I have finally realized that I am not doing it alone and not leaning on my own strength to do it. I just started a new job this last week that I feel like I could really exceed in and really enjoy. I need to get myself to a healthy place financially as well - I've racked up quite a bit of debt.
Etc. etc. etc....
It's going to be a journey, but a journey that I know will be well worth it. I have always had an image in the back of my mind of who I want to be somewhere down the road - happy. content. married with kids, involved in my church, a mentor for a girl whos in the shoes I'm in now, and doing hair! That's far from where I am now. But I'm done wasting my time. I need to be growing. This life of pointless drinking, sex, etc. is getting me nowhere and I'm tired of it. God has blessed me with incredible talents and attributes and I am going to use them for His Glory!
I had a long chat with a good friend the other night, and as I was reflecting later that evening a verse kept popping into my head over and over again; 2 Corinthians 5:17. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!". I am at that place - I am ready to be a new creation; I am ready for the old to go away. This life is like a blink of the eye and I fully intend on using it to further Christ's kingdom. How STUPID of me to have wasted as much time as I already have!
Praise God for who He is and who He continues to be.
(And since I am using this blog as a journal for growth in all areas, I will journal the steps I am taking for my physical health as well: I havent been eating terribly healthy lately, mostly because I am b-roke and eating a LOT of pasta. today I had some alredo pasta, a few pieces of Christmas candy, some chips, a couple cookies (most of that was stolen from beckys pantry), some pizza with ranch and some cucumbers. I walked on the treadmill at the Y with katy for 30 minutes; nothing strenuous but I could feel it. It will be nice when I can do hard workouts again!)
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